to blog or not to blog

ever since we all left xanga for facebook and whatever else, i feel like ive been missing out on just typing thoughts and offering input to what is sure to be no one at all most of the time; i wouldnt have it any other way. something about writing for its own sake is therapeutic. its a taste ive been without for what has now become years, and im taking it back. i find that the older i become the less comfortable i become with my own thoughts and opinions of the world around me: a ratio that seems somewhat skewed.

the opportunity to create something without the pressure of criticism is almost non-existent. at this point the decision has been made, "to blog." inadequate though it may be, its communication with excused grammatical and syntactic errors, rhetoric with unexplained and unapologetic ramblings, suppositions without credibility; this is what i need in my life.

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music

- this is a point in my life where i am making decisions about how to pursue music, what sort of role its going to play in my life, and how any of that is going to happen. ive written a record that the boys and myself are releasing in march....pause....that always sounds cooler than i anticipate it will actually be. "release" here really means: makes available for sale with high hopes that it has not indeed been a waste of time and efforts. i continue using the term because i have nothing else that makes since to use instead.

- im also concerned that ive set myself up for failure because i have so much faith in this new material. this is the first time in my life that ive written music that has been totally honest. i havent tried to make it sound like anything, i havent tried to pick out what i think is unappealing, and i havent written anyhting with the intention of "making a statement." i think all of those have happened on their own this time around. i know that the holy spirit has been a part of the writing process.

- thats another thing. while i know that ive involved God in the writing process, im not sure how involved ive allowed him to be in anything after that. i know that he's orchestrated circumstances in my life that have to do with the music but i dont know that ive been giving him the freedom to do as he pleases with the entirety of my life, much less the entirety of what im creating.
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enough already

- i think ive had enough of this sort of pseudo-spirituality ive allowed to plague my life for the past months, even years. im reading The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer with the guys in my a-team this semester and what ive read already has brought conviction into my life. im going to have to make some decisions if i plan to live up to the standard im asking God to hold me to.

-Roses
(thats how i penned my posts for the blog i kept in high school-i think i may keep doing it)